Grand Rapids Cadet Council

 Listening is to be Practiced

GRAND RAPIDS COUNSELOR MEETING February 13, 2024, 7 PM, Plymouth Hts

I’ll start with a short story about working in the automotive department with a shop boss at GRCC.

As the lab assistant, ! felt phycological hurt from the poor communications I had with the boss of the Job Training students.

There were many times when I did not know whose vehicle was in the service bays and then whether they were completed or what the students were suppose to be doing for the customer because the vehicle was not on the computer’s WIP program.

Some time I would sign in customer’s for repairs on their vehicles and they would not get looked at in a reasonable time even though I had gotten a sign work order from the customer, because I did’t ask the boss first because he was in the class with the students. Then I decided I would not accept any more customer jobs and just refer them all to the boss.

There has been a time when someone comes to get their vehicle and would like to pay, but their name and vehicle were not on the computer’s WIP program. I have no idea whether the students had even worked on this person’s vehicle.

It was very frustrating to me.

Listening Skills by Michele Dee Bee from Wedgwood Acres

• Some people can talk with no audience. Others do not share with others until the know them

• 4 stages for any skill

1.  Unconscious incompetence = I do not know that I don’t know

2.  Conscious incompetence = I know that I don’t know

3.  Conscious competence = I know that I know how

4.  Unconscious competence = It just comes natural

• How Well Do You Listen? A quick little self evaluation

When others are talking to me. . .

1.  I find myself finishing their sentences.          rarely occasionally         often       usually

2   I give my opinion before hearing them out.   rarely occasionally         often       usually

3.   I get restless and impatient.                           rarely occasionally         often       usually

4.   I lose track of what is being said.                  rarely occasionally         often       usually

5.   I fidget with objects.                                      rarely occasionally         often       usually

6.   I mentally rehearse what I am going to say next.

                                                                rarely occasionally         often       usually

7.   I take control of the conversation.                 rarely occasionally         often       usually

8.   I interrupt with frequent comments or questions.

    rarely occasionally         often               usually

9.   I am suspicious of hidden agendas.               rarely occasionally         often       usually

10. I try to immediately diagnose their problem.

                                                                rarely occasionally         often       usually

11. I worry about how to respond instead of listening.

                                                                rarely occasionally         often               usually

12. I tell them how to fix their problem.             rarely occasionally         often       usually

13. I listen briefly and then begin talking.          rarely occasionally         often       usually

14. I tend to contradict what is being said.         rarely occasionally         often       usually

15. I misinterpret what is being said.                  rarely occasionally         often       usually

16. I answer before gaining a real understanding. rarely occasionally   often   usual

If you answered “often” or “usually” to three or more of the questions, or if you answered “occasionally” to eight or more - you could benefit from improving your listening skills

Ask yourself if you really need to ask a question? LISTENING SKILLS

• The Bible teaches that us “Take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”   James 1:19

1.  Pay attention.  This seems obvious, but it’s not always as easy as it appears. Eye contact! Concentrate on what is being said. Put aside whatever you are doing; including your thoughts, worries, and preoccupations. Unlike hearing which is passive, listening is an active cognitive process.

2.  Be Courteous.  Listen respectfully to everything that is said, even if you do not agree. Do not interrupt or cut the person off.

3.  Nod your head or say “I see” or “umhum”.   This indicates that you hear and understand, but not that you necessarily agree with what is being said.

4.  Repeat the Statement.   For clarification, repeat the things you hear. This lets the speaker know that you are trying to understand them.   you could say, “So what you’re saying is. . .” or “If I heard you correctly you said. . .”

5.  Don’t be Judgmental.  Allow the other person to say everything they have to say. What until you’ve heard the whole idea and have had time to think about its merits. Try to set aside your own prejudices, frames of reference and desires so that you can experience what is happening for the other person.   A statement such as “Oh, you shouldn’t feel that way” will quickly tell the speaker that you don’t understand them, and that you are passing judgment.

6.  Ask Follow-up Questions.  This shows you have been attentive. When you change subjects immediately after a person makes a statement, you’re indicating that you aren’t interested in what he or she has just said.

• Listen for words between the words, for the feeling behind the words, for the meaning of words.

• Give your undivided attention. Eye contact!

• When you ask questions you might limit the talker to only go the direction of your question.

• 3 key words - Warmth, Empathy, & Respect

Warmth = Caring

May I have 6 volunteers? Seat in pares back to back  with a table for each participant to set up a pattern of blocks on. Each partick 5 different shaped blocks of wood from this pile. The west facing Counselor arrange your block the way you want. Now the west facing Counselor communicate with words so the east facing Counselor may arrange his blocks to look like yours. Any questions? Everyone else are judges as to how well the communicated and whether the arrangement of blocks look the same.

Show Body language Videos: Body Language - 1. CHANGE HOW PEOPLE SEE YOU!! 5.17 min 2. How to Walk with Confidence - short

Empathy = Accurate understanding - what’s the thought or feeling behind the words you hear?

It sounds like. . .

I think you are saying. . .

Am I hearing you. . .

So you’re feeling. . .

You seem to be saying. . .

Respect = Communicating worth - value them

You do not need to answer any of their questions, but use the above comments to draw them out.

A few years ago, Brookside paid for a texting service which would send out an informational text to all the Cadets & Counselors, different text to the GEMs & Counselors, the youth leader wrote to those for each youth ministry. It was fairly expense, so they no longer use this service.

What forms of communicate do use you with: Cadets, Cadets families, Counselors, your family and Friends?  What are Snail mail advantages? What are phone call advantages and disadvantages? Emails, Texts, FaceBook?

This may be different for different people. What form do they prefer?

In conclusion:

Speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of Him who is the head, that is, Christ Jesus. Ephesian 4:15

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up.  Ephesians 4:29

Does this imply, if you know a truth and it would not be loving to say it, then don’t say any thing? What is that old saying? If you can’t say anything good, Don’t say it.

Proverbs says: Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues. Proverbs 17:28